"Who is your real mother?" was frequently asked of me: a little girl who wasn't raised by a woman of her own flesh and blood.
"Do you know who your real Mom is?"
"Yes," was my
serene, confident reply. However, my
elaborated answer concerned the way I define motherhood, rather
than only exclusive biological facts the inquisitor was seeking.
Biology and blood can create an initial premise to
motherhood. But blood alone is not capable of defining motherhood through the
eyes of a child. Motherhood is not contingent on blood, as any adopted child who
was nurtured with proper helpings
will affirm.
Motherhood graces many children in helpings like portions of food at
mealtime. Some children languish due to felonies of those who chose to bring
them into the world without providing or facilitating proper helpings of
motherhood. Some children only receive rare helpings of motherhood. Some receive
teeming helpings while being raised. Some receive each helping of motherhood
from one woman. Some receive helpings from multiple women of their own flesh and
blood. Some children receive heaping helpings of motherhood, with their tiniest
beginning as the only portion derived from a woman of
blood-relation.
I received my first helping of motherhood from my
birthmother. I don't know who she is by name or face, but she nurtured me for
nine months until I was strong enough to survive independent of her organs. Then
she travailed physical and emotional depth and strength that labor and delivery
required to give me literal life on earth.
Motherhood is nurturing a child at least that far.
Motherhood is nurturing a child phenomenally far beyond
birth.
Motherhood is wisdom regarding the helpings, or lack of
them, that can either lift or lower a child's wellbeing and future, then making
benevolent choices accordingly in the child's
behalf.
It was not until I was 22 years old, after carrying and
giving birth to my firstborn, that I experienced a relationship bond with
someone who shared the same bloodline as me. Blood had neither been a word nor
synonym within my definition of mother. Prior to then, my relationships,
expressions of love, levels of devotion, time, sacrifice and loyalty received
and given by me was void of biological motives. Even today, it doesn't come
natural for me to think in terms of blood as the reason to seize motherhood. How
I determine with whom I'll share the qualities that nurture relationships and
create motherhood isn't about blood.
It's about follow through in providing or facilitating helpings of
motherhood after making choices to become a
mother.
If I hope to deliver motherhood, like the woman who
raised and taught me to understand each facet of what motherhood is, I'll
nurture with plenty of conversation, education and helpings in portions hearty enough to be
relied upon at quintessential seasons of life. I long for these helpings to
enable my adopted and conceived
children to confidently answer the loaded question, "Do you know who your real mother is?"
